So it turns out Patrick is allergic to cows milk protein and soya too. We’re still experimenting with egg so not sure if that’s a problem or not yet.

I’ve bought various milk substitutes for him to try and started with a very positive attitude as so many people online seem to rave about these alternatives and how delicious and milky they are. I was confident I could figure out making yoghurt with them and I’d master using them in cooking too I was sure… The problem is… it’s all a load of bollocks. They’re all revolting!

Or at least to Patrick and the rest of our family members they are.

Patrick does quite like the shop bought almond milk so he will have that on his cereal if I haven’t got any bread made for the morning and I use it in smoothies. But apparently you can’t make yoghurt from shop bought Almond milk, only homemade fresh stuff. Okay, no problem, I’ll just make some. A quick look around google convinced me that home made almond milk was a squillion times nicer than the shop bought stuff anyway, so even better!

First soak the (surprisingly expensive) almonds overnight

Almond milk is easy to make at home for those of you interested. You basically soak a load of almonds in water overnight, discard the water in the morning and blend the almonds with fresh water (about double the amount of water to dried volume of almonds, ie. A cup of almonds and 2 cups of water). Blitz it up in a blender, processor or hand blender and then strain through some muslin or cheesecloth. It’s really very simple and doesn’t take long. It’s a hell of a lot easier than milking a cow that’s for sure.

Then blitz them up with a blender, food processor or hand blender.

Strain through some muslin into a clean jar and squeeze all the liquid out

The problem is – it’s just not very nice. It’s similarity to milk ends with it being a white liquid.

Obviously I didn’t go to the effort of making it into yoghurt after faces were pulled by every family member as they realised the “delicious” drink I’d eagerly offered as a treat was in fact a trick and was “totally gross”. But I did try adding a little honey and a pinch of salt… no improvement really, it was just sweet nutty yukness!

So although he didn’t like the shop bought oat milk I figured I’d try home-made oat milk as it might be a bit nicer. I found a recipe online which used oats and a bit of coconut which I though he might like a little more. Like the almond thing you soak it overnight, blend it up and strain. The only difference is that you don’t need to change the water, blitz it with the stuff you soaked it in.

Straining it into the jar… Making mess and extra washing up for myself is a hobby I particularly enjoy… it allows me to feel like a martyr for my children so I particularly enjoy it when the end product is too revolting for anyone to drink.

He liked this even less and it was a much further stretch from real milk than the almond version, it wasn’t even entirely white.

I haven’t tried making rice milk yet but perhaps will try that next. He doesn’t like the shop bought rice milk so I’m not holding much hope. My initial positivity is waning rapidly and I’m mourning the lack of bovine in our lives. I’m obviously very pleased that Patrick isn’t suffering symptoms any more but after quite a few weeks now the novelty of not being allowed stuff is wearing thin for him too. He’s missing cheese and yoghurt and custard and some of his favourite dairy based family meals.

If anyone has any other suggestions for milk substitutes which obviously do not contain soya either please let me know.

Here’s that face again:

Patrick’s reaction after he enthusiastically took a big gulp